CHARACTERS, in order of Appearance:Soldier The Voice
ACT I - Battlefield, there is the sound of gunfire, a soldier falls to the floor wounded
ACT 1 - Battlefield
THE SOLDIER: "Oh my god"
A deep voice from above replies
THE VOICE: "To whom are you referring?"
THE SOLDIER: "My god"
THE VOICE: "Well there are a lot of us here and it would be most helpful if you could refer to us by name"
THE SOLDIER (confused): "But god's name is god"
THE VOICE: "Ah, but is it Barry God or Charles God? Is it Matilda God or Jane God? It would at least help to know if it was male or female"
THE SOLDIER: "Er...Do we have to go through all this? I'm dying here"
THE VOICE: "Well if you want someone to help we need to get the right one, don't we?"
THE SOLDIER: "Oh ok, I suppose it's a male god, at least that's what I've been led to believe"
THE VOICE: "Well that narrows it down"
THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people: "All women gods to leave the room"
He talks to the soldier again
THE VOICE: "So, has he got long hair or short hair?"
THE SOLDIER (in a pained voice): "Er...long hair..look this really hurts, could we hurry it up a bit?"
THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people again: "All men with short hair leave the room"
He talks to the soldier again
THE VOICE: "what did you say?"
THE SOLDIER: "Could we speed it up a bit?"
THE VOICE: "Yes, yes. Now does he wear glasses?"
THE SOLDIER (exasperated): "How in god's name do I know?"
THE VOICE: "Well, does he have a moustache?"
THE SOLDIER: "What?"
THE VOICE: "Does he have a moustache?"
THE SOLDIER: "Yes he definitely has a moustache, now can I get some spiritual help?"
THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people again: "All those with moustaches stay in the room, the rest of you leave"
He talks to the soldier again
THE VOICE:"Now then, nearly there. Does he have a limp?"
THE SOLDIER: "How the fuck should I know whether he has a limp...er ..no he doesn't have a limp. Now can I get some fucking help down here?"
THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people again: "All those with limps leave the room"
He talks to the soldier again
THE VOICE:"Ah we are only left with one, so this must be your god."
The Voice talks to the last god left in the room
THE VOICE: "What's your name?"
We hear no answer but the voice carries on
THE VOICE:"Ah, I see er.hmmmm. How silly of me, should have known really"
He talks to the soldier again
THE VOICE: "Er it would appear that I am your God , my name is, funnily enough, God God, so it seems that you were in fact calling for the right one all along."
There is no response from the soldier
THE VOICE: "I say young man did you hear me .. Oh .ah..I see you're dead now. Ah well never mind, maybe you'll be luckier in your next life"
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