And next time...................

I think it's time to again delve into the life and times of this great man. So watch this space, the next installment will be an in-depth interview with the man described by some as "Alistair H Cronoly" and by others as "who?".....................

Another classic Play from A. H. Cronoly

THE END OF THE WORLD
CHARACTERS, in order of Appearance:

FIGURE 1

FIGURE 2

ACTS, SCENES & BRIEF DESCRIPTIONS:ACT I -A small hill, with a tree. Leaning against the base of the tree are two figures

ACT I - [We start with a darkened stage. We hear a radio broadcast about the impending end of the world. Slowly the radio is faded out and replaced by the sound of panicked voices and screams. More than one voice yells words along the lines of "Repent, the end of the world is nigh". As these fade out the lights are brought up to reveal two figures leaning against the base of a tree]

FIGURE #1:Well, I reckon we should go a find us a couple of prostitutes. Might as well go out with a smile on our faces

FIGURE #2:Nah, don't think they'd be working tonight of all nights. Let's just sit and watch the world burn.

FIGURE #1:Good idea. How long d'ya reckon we got?

FIGURE #2: [holding his hand up with his fingers and thumbs spread out]
About 5 hours or so.

FIGURE #1:I know what we should do

FIGURE #2:What?

FIGURE #1:Take these drugs and get wasted.

[They stop talking and concentrate on rolling joints and chopping lines of cocaine. They snort the coke noisily, light the joints and continue their conversation]

FIGURE #1:Hey, d'ya remember Davy?

FIGURE #2:Davy? You mean that tosser that got himself killed on the wasteland behind the tip?

FIGURE #1:Nah, Davy Spence. Started a band. Electrocuted himself while playing guitar at a gig

FIGURE #2:Oh, that tosser. Well?

FIGURE #1:Well what?

FIGURE #2:Well what about him?

FIGURE #1:Who?

FIGURE #2:Davy Spence, what about him?

FIGURE #1:Nothing. Just wondered if you remembered him

FIGURE #2:Christ, you should stop taking drugs.

FIGURE #1:Yeah, I figure I'll be giving them up in about five hours. How about you, what are you gonna give up for the end of the world

FIGURE #2:Life

[Lights immediately go down]

The 2nd Play "WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?"

WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

CHARACTERS, in order of Appearance:Soldier The Voice

ACT I - Battlefield, there is the sound of gunfire, a soldier falls to the floor wounded

ACT 1 - Battlefield

THE SOLDIER: "Oh my god"

A deep voice from above replies

THE VOICE: "To whom are you referring?"

THE SOLDIER: "My god"

THE VOICE: "Well there are a lot of us here and it would be most helpful if you could refer to us by name"

THE SOLDIER (confused): "But god's name is god"

THE VOICE: "Ah, but is it Barry God or Charles God? Is it Matilda God or Jane God? It would at least help to know if it was male or female"

THE SOLDIER: "Er...Do we have to go through all this? I'm dying here"

THE VOICE: "Well if you want someone to help we need to get the right one, don't we?"

THE SOLDIER: "Oh ok, I suppose it's a male god, at least that's what I've been led to believe"

THE VOICE: "Well that narrows it down"

THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people: "All women gods to leave the room"

He talks to the soldier again

THE VOICE: "So, has he got long hair or short hair?"

THE SOLDIER (in a pained voice): "Er...long hair..look this really hurts, could we hurry it up a bit?"

THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people again: "All men with short hair leave the room"

He talks to the soldier again

THE VOICE: "what did you say?"

THE SOLDIER: "Could we speed it up a bit?"

THE VOICE: "Yes, yes. Now does he wear glasses?"

THE SOLDIER (exasperated): "How in god's name do I know?"

THE VOICE: "Well, does he have a moustache?"

THE SOLDIER: "What?"

THE VOICE: "Does he have a moustache?"

THE SOLDIER: "Yes he definitely has a moustache, now can I get some spiritual help?"

THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people again: "All those with moustaches stay in the room, the rest of you leave"

He talks to the soldier again

THE VOICE:"Now then, nearly there. Does he have a limp?"

THE SOLDIER: "How the fuck should I know whether he has a limp...er ..no he doesn't have a limp. Now can I get some fucking help down here?"

THE VOICE shouts as if to a room full of people again: "All those with limps leave the room"

He talks to the soldier again

THE VOICE:"Ah we are only left with one, so this must be your god."

The Voice talks to the last god left in the room

THE VOICE: "What's your name?"

We hear no answer but the voice carries on

THE VOICE:"Ah, I see er.hmmmm. How silly of me, should have known really"

He talks to the soldier again

THE VOICE: "Er it would appear that I am your God , my name is, funnily enough, God God, so it seems that you were in fact calling for the right one all along."

There is no response from the soldier

THE VOICE: "I say young man did you hear me .. Oh .ah..I see you're dead now. Ah well never mind, maybe you'll be luckier in your next life"